hey, beggar fans.
my goodness! The Faires are about to start. I hope you
all had a boring off-season, so you'll all be glad to
see us! I really have no idea of how the other beggars
spent their extended holidaze. Me? I've been kept busy
this past half year, by what I'm not really at liberty
to say. Here's a hint: after a large lunch, take a nice
long sequester. Anyway, I hope to be there for the opening
of the Bristol Renaissance Faire on June 24th. If my secret
civic duty threatens to drag on, all I have to do is piss
off three more of my fellow panelists, let them know about
the book I'm writing, or incite the courtroom to chant
"Lance Eat-o Mud!" just one more time. Wish
Billy vonBilly #293-B
Bristol-ing With Excitement
by Spiney Nodules
say the Bristol Renaissance Faire used to be this big:
, well, now it's going to be this big ; almost a third
expansion will be noticeable the moment you arrive. Not
only will you enter through a beautiful new front gate
into acres of pastoral newness, but most importantly,
upon entering you will spy to your left a tented Theatre
suitable for conducting that premiere of all arena reveries,
the Mud Show. Immediately check for our show times
and catch one of the first Mud Shows ever to be
performed in this state-of-the-art MUDITORIUM.
The comfortable permanent seating installed by Richard
Bailey, Mayor of our very own Bristol Towne, has been
raked to make every seat a seat to remember. Make sure
you thank the mayor personally when you see him. The shade
canopy's unique design was executed by master theatrical/technical
wiz Steve Geis. We believe this may be the greatest Theatre
of Mud on this or any other habitable planet. Spiney,
Billy and Figgy will do their best to do their duty to
fill this grand new arena with grand old jokes and jests.
Be part of this massive excitement!
at the Bristol Faire, be sure to enjoy all the other exciting
1995 improvements. Lord Randolph's Chain Mail booth is
now a Chain Mail CASTLE. The Kid's Kingdom now boasts
a Big Boat for the kids to play on. And last but not least,
make sure you reserve a special part of your day to haul
butt over to where the Mud Pit used to be a partake
of the brand spanking new FLUSH TOILETS!!!!!
Congrats to Legs Akimbo
joins the sparse but proud ranks of MUD DADS as of this
June. IT'S A GOIL!! Trojans! Trojans! We Will Nev -- oh,
A Shorte Historie of the Sturdye Beggars
by the Rev. Ikey Noakes (A short Sturdy Beggar)
the spring of 1978, Damian the Red-Eyed Bastard, then
a doctoral candidate at a university on the shores of
Lake Michigan, saw an audition notice for King Richard's
Faire on the IL/WI border. He called upon his friends
Herbantio and Ikey Noakes, and it was agreed that the
three would audition for summer jobs as entertainers at
the faire. They traveled many miles and auditioned for
the notorious John Mills (who was not so notorious at
audition consisted of some juggling, guitar playing, monkey-rolling
and other devil-may-care physical antics, all to the accompaniment
of bad Cockney accents. Mr. Mills was delighted with the
audition, but had no idea what to do with them - so the
trio suggested that they play the role of beggars and
stroll about the grounds making mirth (and money) at will.
Mills was further delighted (he was generally delighted
in those bygone days) and gave the boys wide latitude
to "beg, steal, grovel - do whatever you want."
trio adopted the name "Sturdy Beggars" for the
group (see accompanying article). Thus did our Furry Forefathers
begin the practice of begging at King Richard's Faire
in the summer of 1978. The first weekend netted each beggar
a total of $14.00 - and the grimy gold rush was on!
first outright criminal act perpetrated by a beggar happened
on the first weekend when Ikey Noakes actually stole a
tart from a strolling vendor, who was shocked to say the
least. (Of course, this was well before Rev. Ikey took
his vows & earned his divinity degree at the controversial
Mud Masses in New York and Minnesota.) There were no mud
shows that first year - although long-distance mud-sliding
competitions were the order of any rainy day.
The Moderne Era
next summer, in 1979, Will'm the Poorer and Redbeard joined
the troupe and the "moderne era" in begging
began. The summer of 1979 was a wet one indeed, and the
area just inside the main gate was especially sloppy -
and naturally a high-traffic place ideal for lucrative
begging. On the first day of their messy endeavors a craftsman,
wanting to see what those ragged upstarts were made of,
challenged Will'm to eat mud - and he did! Shock waves
ran through the crowd. Dollar bills flew from pockets!
Women fainted (almost!) A legend was born and The Art
of Begging rose to another level. It became a daily ritual
for the beggars to make a sloppy spectacle of themselves
at the front gate, and boy howdy, did these antics draw
the crowds. In fact, when the weather was fair and there
was no mud, the beggars would pour great jugs of water
on top of each other (for a nominal fee, natch!) and create
mud. Thus the mud show developed.
1980, the popularity of the rapidly evolving mud show
- and the ensuing congestion around the front - made possible
the first true mud pit built solely for the purpose of
performing the Mud Show, and it became a regularly-scheduled
event. In fact, there were two mud pits that year! (A
story Will'm might like to tell you someday... something
about naked guys with shovels and many other acts of insubordination
that year, in Texas, the competition mud show was developed.
But that is a story for another time. And another storyteller.
1995 Sturdy Beggar Season
now that the red, red robin has de-wormed our mud pit,
it's time to do the thang with the thang and thang again.
Look for us at these mud-friendly habitats, and let 'em
know at the gate you're there to see your pals, the Sturdy
Beggars. (Specific rosters subject to change. Your
mileage may vary)
The Bristol Renaissance Faire (IL/WI border) 12420 128th
St./Kenosha, WI 53142 (708) 395-7773 or (414) 396-4320
6/24 - 8/20 Billy Billy VonBilly, Spiney Nodules, Figgy
Oz Park Medieval Festival (Chicago, IL) Located this year
in Lincoln Park 7/15 - 7/16 Lutilla Fair Dinkum, Helmut
Iowa Renaissance Festival (Des Moines) Located on the
Fair Grounds / (515) 357-5177 9/9-9/10, 9/16-9/17 Lutilla
Fair Dinkum, Helmut von Mudt
Texas Renaissance Festival (Plantersville, TX) Rt. 2,
Box 650/Plantersville, TX 77363 (713) 356-2178 or 1-800-458-3435
9/30 - 11/12 Billy Billy vonBilly, Spiney Nodules, Sir
Loin of Beef, Wakka Ding Hoy
the Indiana Renaissance Festival wants us back, but they
won't be opened during it's regular season this September
'95. It will be back, new & improved, next year, but
will take place the 1st three weekends in June, '96. Stay
tuned to your overly informative Muddy Rag for updates.
of this printing, the King Richard's New England Renaissance
Faire in Massachusetts has not issued us a contract (big
entertainment budget cut or some similar line). We will
keep our beloved Northeastern fans up-to-date on developments.
P.O. Box 419 / Route 58 / Carver, MA 02330 / (508)866-5391.
more Maryland Renaissance Festival. P.O. Box 315 / Crownsville,
MD 21032 / (301) 266-7304 or (800) 243-7304.
you have any questions concerning this season's schedule,
write us at SBAS / P.O. Box 581884 / Mpls, MN 55458)
Alert Ye all Recent Recruits (and Olde Tymers who
have lost or ruint their previous cards): Here's yer official
S. B.A.S. Membership Card! Cut out carefully and LAMINATE
IMMEDIATELY!!! Use it as I.D. when pulled over by police
and watch the hilarity ensue! Just fine for picking teeth
& cleaning muddy fingernails! Proudly flash it at nearby
Mud Men and receive a sincere dazed glance and a hearty
mud-encrusted handshake, at least! What a sense of Belonging!
Every answer is a pair of rhyming words (like FAT, CAT)
that fit in the blanks.
1. ______, ______ Wakka Ding staple
2. ______, ______ Mr. Akimbo's occupation
3. ______, ______ Mr. Nodule's butt
4. ______, ______ goofy mudman
5. ______, ______ loony beggar
6. ______, ______ Figgy's steps
7. ______, ______ Fairdinkum's armadas.
(1.) Hoy Poi (2.) Legs Begs (3.) Tiny Hynee (4.) Silly Billy
(5.) Screwy Ptui (6.) Pudding's Footings (7.) Lutilla's
& Drang with your pal Wakka
folks, Wakka Ding Hoy here, in a waxing philosophic kinda
mode. Hey, ever think about change? Sometimes change is
so radical and unexpected that it's a shock to your system.
Old values are questioned, priorities are challenged,
a sea change occurs in the very Zeitgeist (a real German
word meaning 'Spirit of the Age') and nothing will ever
be the same, like you've caught the Wave of Confusion,
you've got to ride it, dude, or else wipe out on the Rocky
Shores of Despair! (assuming you don't get clipped by
the Coral Reef of Consternation or bit by the Shark of
Chagrin on the way in).
my amigos, especially those of you in the Maryland-DC-Virginia
area (and you know who you are), I have truly bumming
news: Your Sturdy Beggars will not be at the Maryland
Renaissance Festival this year. Yes, 15 straight years
of astounding and delighting you in our own unique and
silly way has come to an unfortunate end.
about now your blood is boiling, smoke is billowing out
your ears, and you're thinking, "how can this be?
How can this happen? Was there an unsolvable artistic
difference, a contractual snafu, or perhaps Management
has simply gone insane?!?" All I can say is, we wanna
be there...But, no. You have been denied your right to
laugh at us, and we our right to be laughed at by you.
No rational explanation could suffice to assuage the needless
suffering that you are now experiencing. It is as if Gotterdammerung
(real fancy German word meaning 'The Twilight of the Gods')
had come prenaturally early, arriving way before its appointed
date with destiny (like, try decades, dude), destroying
all in its surging wake, leaving behind an empty, soulless
your mega-hurt, you gotta carry on, be brave, and muddle
through, dude. This ain't the total end. Remember, even
in their deaths, them clever ol' Germanic god-dudes were
planting the seed of rebirth for a new and better world
to come. Likewise, we Beggars are planning to re-emerge
in your area in 1996. Yessssss! And at that time, we will
all experience Elatenstrudelbeggenzbackertz (a real fancy
made-up German word meaning 'Rejoice! Eat Strudel! The
Beggars are back!'). Keep reading that damn Muddy Rag
for all the latest news as it develops. Until that beauty
day, hang tough and know that we'll miss you as much as
you'll miss us. Gesundheit!
Ding Hoy, your Hawaiian Poi Boy Pal