from San Berdoo!
all my dear SBASers, I have a bit o' history in the makin'
that I am achin' to share. We Sturdy Begging nomadic types
have triumphantly traversed the mighty Continental Divide.
But unlike those Epicureans in the Donner party, we got
here with our butts undined. This very spring, whilst
good Messrs Nodules, Pudding and Wyler successfully muck
it up for all our mid-eastern friends at the 2nd Annual
Virginia Renaissance Festival, Legs Akimbo and myself
are doing the dirty for our brand new southwestern amigos
here at the 35th Annual Southern California Renaissance
Pleasure Faire. That's right, the Sturdy Beggars
have prevailingly premiered at the very first Ren Faire
in existence, the prime festive, the Mother of them all.
Why, even with all of our 19 years in this "business"
we call "show," here at this Faire we beggars
are just pupstarts.
we first arrived, we had a lovely chat with the one and
only Phyllis Patterson, who originated this unique theme
park theme back in 1963. Ms. Patterson approached a local
radio station to co-sponsor a PTA benefit. She asked if
they would care to throw a Medieval Festival in her back
yard. The radio station balked at the sound of "mid-EVIL"
and Ms. Patterson offhandedly offered forth, "Renaissance."
Some high-concept man at the station thought "Renaissance"
purred, and that is why there are over forty-odd Renaissance
Festivals in this country today.
more, in this same geographic locale, shades of our ancestors
pre-date Ren Faires! These ancestors performed a prototypical
Mud Show®, which not only pre-dated, but was too shy
to ask out, the Beggarazoic Period by several exclamation
marks. That's right, L.A.'s famed LaBrea Tar Pits is alive
and well with the histrionics of a Mud Showistic extravaganza
of eras past. Here the compelling competition of the giant
ground sloth versus the sabertooth tiger, vying for the
glory and honor of their specific specie, is euphorically
preserved in these pits of tar. Of course, it wasn't until
the ingenuity of Homo Erectus Forwhichwestandus when the
substantial substitution of mud for tar was enacted. This
sublimely simple switch enabled the show to be performed
several times a day with the same cast. How's that for
more info than one would care to know?
anyway, here we are in sunny San Bernadino, and as these
two great pasts, the Mud Show® and Renaissance Faires,
mingle in the present, we look forward to the future where
all the glorious yesterdays of a brave tomorrow are alive
and well here and now today.
The 1997 Sturdy Beggar Season
California and Virginia are glorious memories! Onward
to legendary shenanigans in your vicinity! Wear your Sturdy
Beggar T-shirt to the Faire and bask in the frothy
adulation! (Specific rosters subject to change. Your mileage
Bristol Renaissance Faire (IL/WI border) 12420 128th St./Kenosha,
WI 53142 (708) 395-7773 or (414) 396-4320 ; 6/28 - 8/24
; Spiney Nodules, Figgy Pudding, Billy Billy vonBilly
Fest (Chicago, IL) Located this year in Lincoln Park ;
(312) 929-TOTO 8/2 - 8/3 Jonny DeToxx, Helmut von Mudt
Renaissance Pleasure Faire of N. California (Novato, CA)
1410 Hwy 37/Novato, CA 94945 (415) 892-0937 ; 8/23 - 10/5
; Billy Billy vonBilly, the more than most Reverend Ikey
Great Ottumwa Duck Race & Summer Festival (Ottumwa,
IA) "Right on the Raccoon River" 8/30 Lutilla
Fair Dinkum, Helmut von Mudt
Iowa Renaissance Festival (Des Moines) Located on the
Fair Grounds / (515) 357-5177 9/13 & 14, 9/20 &
21 Jonny DeToxx, Helmut von Mudt
Richard's New England Faire (Carver, MA) P.O. Box 419/Rt.
58/Carver, MA 02330 (508) 866-5391 8/30 - 10/20 (incl.
Labor Day & Columbus Day) Hack Ptui, Halfwit Henry,
Texas Renaissance Festival (Plantersville, TX) Rt. 2,
Box 650/Plantersville, TX 77363 (713) 356-2178 or 1-800-458-3435
10/4 - 11/16 Halfwit Henry, Spiney Nodules, Figgy Pudding,
Billy Billy vonBilly
can we say?!? We still gots tons of cool Sturdy Beggar
merchandise available for the SBASer who truly deserves
something special, and you know who you are!!! Yes, you.
Don't show up at your neighborhood Renaissance Festival
half-dressed!...or maybe do, what the hey...but if you
wear nothing else, wear a quality Sturdy Beggar
Mud Show® T-Shirt!!! Be the envy of the teeming throng!
Dance dashingly to your different drummer! These unique
duds are as yet not available in any stores; only with
the easily clipped coupon below can you make the scene
in true Sturdy style. And remember, good mud patrons,
all proceeds from sales of our T-Shirts and other collectibles
go towards funding the continuing existence of the Sturdy
Beggar Appreciation Society and the printing and distribution
of this merry mailing, that damn Muddy Rag. So buy some
fun and help us run! As it were.
from the Toiling Tan Twosome Out West
when Billy and I arrived in Southern Cal we didn't know
what to expect. Being old Midwestern & East Coasty HoDads
from way back, sure, we knew how to enjoy a clambake (bring
melted butter and lemons!) or how to get a bonfire party
rockin' (bring melted butter and effigies!), but who knew
if our cool would be too hot, or too cold, or too fattening
for our new friends? It is so hard to be new and different.
Oh, how we worried. So, we decided at first to hang back
and drink carrots and not get in anybody's way...since that's
usually how people in the movies end up right in the thick
of things. As it turned out, we weren't in a movie, so we
started doing our show - you know, the Mud Show®. Hey,
the proof is in the pudding (150 proof ala ancient Akimbo
family recipe) and these Southern Calies are getting satirically
snookered. So far. In any case, all indicators show that
our comedic archeological instincts are on track; we've
successfully unearthed their funny bone (along with some
old pottery and utensils) and now the fear is behind us
as long as we keep a firm grip on that bone. Wish us well
- we're still working on catching a wave - then we'll be
sitting on top of the world. To paraphrase J. Buffet, "the
weather is here, I wish you were hot with a morning fog."
from the Asaro valley of Papua, New Guinea, traditionally
wear mud masks to raise tribal morale and frighten away
Submitted by Rott Wyler (the artist formerly known as
In past issues of that damn Muddy Rag, we've compiled beggar
"fave" lists of books, videos, and music, and
frankly all that thinking done made us MIGHTY hungry! In
fact, we beggars are just about always hungry. Wet mud whets
appetites. After a hectic day of mud daubin' and grovelin',
we like to stumble back to our hovel du jour and wolf down
some snacks post haste. Here's a sampling of preferred beggarly
Henry: Hot Pickled Okra / Cherry Tomatoes / Unsalted
Pudding: Porterhouse / Cheez-Its / Ben & Jerry's
Ptui: Tortilla Chips & good HOT Salsa Picante /
Cape Cod Potato Chips (or Salt & Vinegar chips) / Baked
DeToxx: Peanut M&M's / Take-out Chinese / Warm Sprite
Wyler: Pork Rinds / IBC Black Cherry Soda / a Apple
Nodules: Dried Cranberries / Summer Fruits / Microwave
Akimbo: RC Cola / Moon Pie / French Fried Pataters (Mmm
Billy vonBilly: Fresh Squoze Vegetable Juice / Celery
von Mudt: Chocolate Covered Pretzels / Juju Bees / Strained
Wakka Ding's Wacky-Doo Movie Review
what's shaking, bros and broettes! Wakka Ding Hoy in the
house, checking in. You know, I checked out of the beggar
action scene last year to make room for my main man, HalfWit
Henry. (I love that dude, I feel like he's a part of me.
Truly.) Why split? Some may wonder, most don't care. Me,
I don't remember. I'm sure I had my reasons. Good ones,
too. Or not. Whatever.
point is; what have I been doing during my self-imposed
exile from the lands of mud and fun? It's time that I've
tried to use wisely for self examination and improvement,
reflection, introspection and meditation. But mainly I go
see movies. And I've gots to tell you, these flicks today,
dude, I just don't get them. Like that Bruce Willis sci-fi
thingy, "The Fifth Elephant," man, I sat throught
that one like twice and I didn't see a single pachyderm,
let alone five. What's up with that? Sure, the one buncha
aliens had big ears and the other buncha aliens had the
shambling gait thing going for them, but if they were elephants,
I'm Dumbo! Anywho, the surf is up, so I, your faithful Hawaiian
Poi Boy, must sign off for now. See ya at the movies! Popcorn's
on you! (Clean it up, you're a mess, dude.)
Wakka Ding Hoy
A Beggarly Call To Thrills & Glory
a lark it's been cobbling together all those editions of
that damn Muddy Rag - nine?!? Whoda thunk! - and the Holiday
postcards and stuff...and we've really enjoyed meeting and
jawing with random representatives of the SBAS at large
...but, as we've stated, the club is fast outgrowing the
clubhouse, and outside of our feeble efforts at mail order
madness, we're at a loss at how to raise funds to perpetuate
this Ragged Glory.
lo! What is this?!? A glance at our membership roster shows
most of you have beggar names!..Yea, verily, you are clearly
eager benchwarmers, ready to be slapped on the dusty shoulder
and sent into the fray! So be it! It's time to earn your
muddy monikers. Time to apply your natural beggarly talents
on unsuspecting friends, family, enemies, strangers, et
al. Get wryly wretched, give a wee grovel (not too much,
leave 'em wanting more) and hit someone up for a measly
dollar or two, and then send it to us, muddy and crumpled
as it should well be. Feel the rush of receiving a successfully
a begged buck shall equal a years dues/subscription, eh
wot? (buy a T-shirt = Lifetime sub.) Let's give it a shot.
Remember, raw recruits, miserable appearance and witty repartee
are gold. Warm up before extensive groveling. Grabbing ankles
is effective if controversial. And never, never eat mud...
unless you pass the hat first. Salut!