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 that damn Muddy Rag #11 Oldest Mud Rookie
2003 Edition 
The Officious Newsletter of the Sturdy Beggar™ Appreciation Society
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THE OLDEST MUD ROOKIE SPEAKS OUT!

By Dr. Schmutzig Fubar

When I was a little boy growing up in the early 1980's, I took a trip out to King Richard's Faire (Wisconsin) with my mommy and daddy. I remember vividly that summer day, sitting with my uptight parents and watching a group of performers so daring and outrageous that I could only dreamDr. Schmutzig Fubar that, one day, I might be able to be blessed by their presence in my life. Of course, my personal path led me in different directions than my boyhood idols, but in the back of my mind was always "the dream."

What amazed me the most was that each time I would return to the Faire, there would be those iconoclastic icons of the inane, insane, and idiotic individually initiating more and more into their legion of followers. Before there was Rush Limbaugh, these guys invented the first mindless clones. Oh. . . how desperately I wanted to be like them. To be able to romp and frolick through many perfect days. To be able to be followed by that seemingly endless stream of 14 and 15 year-old mud groupies. These guys were the kings, and I wanted my piece of the action. And then it happened. . . My heart stopped that day when my phone rang. This was my chance! My chance to live "the dream." I was being called up to the bigs! I would be working alongside my boyhood role models. Of course I was filled with self-doubt and wonder. Would I measure up? Could I develop my people skills like Spiney Nodule? My body like Halfwit Henry? My swan dives like Billy Billy Von Billy? My snot blows like Figgy Pudding? These questions nagged at me as I entered into the intense rehearsal period demanded of for all Mud Show personnel. Twelve hours a day, seven days a week! And that was just for sleeping. Would I hold up? Well. . . Virginia Ren Fest, here I come! Thanks to some early morning coaching generously imparted on me by Spiney Nodules on Memorial Day 1997, I felt ready to truly encounter all it was to be a Beggar. His words of wisdom stay with me to this day: "Listen, Rookie, #@*!!+#&?!@#***!!!" What can I say, a rookie mistake. But I guarantee you I never contaminated the "eating mud" again. Heaven forbid that any of the Beggars ever encounter any germs in their day-to-day exploits. Let's face it, this is one of the cleanest shows around despite surface impressions.

Well. . .I have been at it now for nearly 6 years. I am the oldest rookie in the show, but only now do I begin to understand the nuance. . .the delicate balance of comedy and pathos. . .the silent (and not-so-silent) communication of those icons at whose pedestals I once worshipped at as a boy. Disbelief still overtakes me when I realize that I am truly part of the brotherhood!

that damn Muddy Rag #11 designed & executed by B. H. Lumpyn, L13 11/02 editor: B. H. Lumpyn
scribes du jour: B. B. vB, L13, B. H. Lumpyn, D. S. Fubar
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